That PP4 Poem

4 US

As I waddled round my field one night
I couldn't believe my eyes
Men with poles - what a sight
And a banner proclaiming a prize

With all the strength that they could muster
Their erections stood tall and proud
While Maggie went round with her duster
Muttering "Messy lot, this crowd."

The sign said knock twice for Sarah
But which one - one or two?
As the night wore on the knockings were rarer
They just grabbed one and said "You'll do!"

Imagine my shock when the pig arrived
Completely nude and headless
With a prong sticking out his backside
And scorch marks all over his chest

Piggy was sliced up and plattered
For a queue that stretched a mile
And they all just stood there and nattered
About the weather in single file

The Chairman showed us his organ
And bare feet tapped out the time
All thought of embarrassment forgone
Passers-by asked should they throw him a dime?

In the food tent the saladeers scurried
And laid out their wares in smart dishes
Rob looked decidely worried
He'd two loaves . . . but was short of five fishes

Penny and Sue remained calm, of course,
Everything under control
In its right place was every sauce,
Folded napkin and shiny fruit bowl.

Smoke rose from Andrew's fag and the fire
A grin spread on Adrian's face
Rob brandished his rod of desire
As if about to set fire to the place.

Selling tickets and counting the money
At the gate sat Chris with no shoes,
Crying out "That's ten quid, honey,
Go help yourself to some booze"

Darkness fell and a strange noise grew
Older people wished they'd gone
But the rest were pleased to listen to
Tom - and his band played on.

The crowd sure seemed pretty hale
And some were notably hearty
And apart from an occasional wail
It was an amazing Fourth Paddock Party.